Map Dots

We were with some friends a few weeks ago, and they asked how my husband and I met. The short answer to this question is always, “through mutual friends,” but the real story is a little more complex. Our story is hard to explain to people. I always think I sound a little crazy when I try to tell it. Recalling this story made me remember how all of our stories set the tone for change in our lives. I’ve always thought of each of our lives as having little map dots on them that mark out new paths, forks in the road, or turning points.

The biggest map dot in my life was when I saw a photo of a boy in the dorm room of a college friend. This friend, who’d gone to high school with Andy, happened to be roommates with a high school friend of mine. In this dorm room, I saw a photo of my future husband on her closet door. It was a photo among hundreds of other photos of her high school friends. Looking at that photo, I said, “I need to meet him.” My friend looked at me funny and said, “You know, that’s not a bad thought, actually, but he goes to school in Boston.”

Who knows why I blurted that out. I mean, I think Andy’s really handsome, but that wasn’t what drew me into that photo. He was standing in a group of probably about 10 people, wearing his cap and gown at his own high school graduation. I think I remember noting that he looked smart and kind. But really, I don’t even think it was any of those things. I don’t even remember making a conscious decision to say anything out loud. It just sort of came out. Out of a thousand faces on that closet door, I just felt drawn to this one person in a photo.

And what’s even more weird? I didn’t forget him. He was in Boston for our freshman year of college. He had a girlfriend while he was away, who I happened to know. And still, when he ended up walking into my sophomore anatomy class after transferring back home to UW, I instantly remembered him. I promise you I wasn’t stalking him. (Oh, and he’d broken up with that girl by that time too…believe me, I checked.)

I just could not shake this bizarre feeling I had about him, so I mentioned it to another mutual friend of ours again. She instantly sprang into action, planning a Tuesday night “party” and inviting us both to be there. We ended up talking in a corner for two hours by ourselves. We talked about everything from school to politics to religion to where we each wanted to honeymoon (I know, bold, right?….He brought it up, not me).

To this day, I have never felt a connection with anyone in my life like the one I felt with him that night, huddled in a corner of my friend’s living room while the rest of the party continued on in her kitchen. I left that night walking on air. That is, until I realized with a sudden stab that he had not even asked for my number. I went from complete elation to a sudden panic that I’d messed everything up.

Saturday rolled around, and having heard nothing from Andy, I put on my “who-needs-him-anyway-I’m-moving-on” armor and accepted an invitation to go out with someone else that night. That someone else very respectfully walked me to my apartment door at the end of the evening. I opened the door, and saw the whiteboard my roommates and I used to take phone messages for each other (yes, I’m that old). On it, in giant letters was, “ANDY CALLED!!” He’d asked my friend for my number, and I learned my first lesson about him. He loves to surprise me.

Over a year after I made that statement about a photo in a friend’s dorm room, Andy and I would go on our first date. The rest, as they say, is history.

Whether or not it was fate or luck or intuition, I really don’t know. But as corny as it sounds, I am convinced our lives were supposed to intersect. He’s the person who seemed to know me before I really even knew myself. He’s brought adventure, spontaneity and laughter to my life. And as amazing as he is at being a spouse, I have found that he’s even better at being a father. We are as different as night and day in a lot of ways, but I think our relationship is much better for those differences. We keep each other centered and balanced.

As a wedding photographer, I get to hear so many of these stories from my couples. Sometimes, I only get the short versions, and then I hear more on their wedding days in speeches and stories told by their friends and family. The stories vary from online matches to bar meet-ups to friendships-turned-something more. But they all have a common thread. “Something just felt different about this one.” Some people realize this right away. Others slowly realize it over time. Either way, these stories of connection are what make us human.

What’s your story? I’d love to hear it sometime.