Quiet | Mother’s Day Reflections

Mother’s Day usually finds me reflecting on all the wonders and quirks of motherhood, but this year was somewhat bittersweet. Don’t get me wrong, my Mother’s Day weekend was filled with all the right people, from the little ones to the big ones I love most, and it was overall amazing. I hope yours was too. But I’ve had “write Mother’s Day blog post” on my to-do list for quite awhile and the week leading up to it was such a strange one, it was hard to find traditional Mother’s Day words. So please forgive me for being a bit late to the party and for this post being a little less sunshiny than Mother’s Day posts of my past, like the one you can find here.

This was a Mother’s Day of healing and of letting go. It had me thinking about the world my girls face as they get older. Photography and writing have always been cathartic to me; they are avenues to moving on, learning much-needed lessons, and finding growth. Somehow, if I put it down on paper, it’s easier to process, so please forgive me. What you’re about to read needed out….

I sit in the morning sunlight coming through our windows. It is silent. Everyone else is still sleeping. I relish that quiet. Every morning, while my husband is still snoring, I roll out of bed as silently as I can and tiptoe into the kitchen, barely breathing as I hope for a quiet start to the day. Quiet times are scarce for mothers.

I began thinking, on this quiet morning, about the loud voices. Yesterday, my daughter told me about an interaction between two other girls in her class. One petite second grader asked in a polite voice, “Will you please not put that on my desk?” and a larger, aggressive peer yelled in her face, “Well move then!” I’ve heard murmurings from other parents on the playground of this same child screaming, “Shut up!” to other children, so I’m guessing her replay of the scenario isn’t an isolated event.

This year has been one filled with loud-talkers, in so many parts of my life. They shout so loudly, and so carelessly, that they leave behind the truth.

The truth gets drowned out by fallacious and inflammatory fear mongering. Gone, it seems, are the days of professionalism, respect and intellect. We don’t start by curiously asking questions anymore. Instead, it seems to be the norm for people to elbow their way to their own conclusions without ever seeking an ounce of truth. Passive-aggressive punches get thrown behind secret doors. I fear we are teaching our children to disrespect, circumvent, and mistrust those in authority and instead to attack them in spiteful ways. We seem to find fault in anyone who disagrees with us, to make those people enemies, and to continuously stir the pot by creating conflict out of trivial matters rather than ever attempting to find common ground. We teach our children to shout.

Right now, it seems, the loud voices win. I see it everywhere — certainly at the national level, at the state and community level, and even in my daughters’ schools among adults who should know better. It saddens me we’ve lost the art of diplomacy, and that many of us are teaching our children that lies, inflammatory sound bites, and deceit are the necessary means to winning in life.

My own mother used to tell me that people like that never truly win in the end, and her words proved prophetic in every sense over and over as I moved through life. So I guess it’s out of that sage advice from my mother, a strong woman who led by example, that I write the following words to my girls:

May 9, 2017

Dear Girls,

There will be times when you feel like you are being punished for doing the right thing or for standing up for what you believe in. Times when it feels like no one has your back. Times when you will question whether or not it’s worth it to say the words that defend others, to ask the hard questions of those who are being unjust, unfair or just plain ugly. But remember, lack of character is always revealed in the end.

The people who operate in back stabbing, secret circles only further isolate themselves over time, although it may seem like the world is on their side right now. They continue to spin dark webs of negativity, accomplishing nothing more than offending others and causing people around them to dissociate or disappear from view. Their energy accomplishes nothing productive.

Stay focused on the task at hand and don’t take the bait to get caught up in the net of their pettiness. Hold fast to the truth.

Be direct. Be bold. Be fair. And then hold your head high knowing you have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. And if they continue to try and pressure you out of your principles, let them be responsible for themselves. Let them wade through the consequences of their choices, and focus your energy on something more worthy of your time.

Color your world with truth and light, even when it feels like you are by yourself in the dark. You are never alone, and that light is always there waiting within you. And always, always, always be you.

Love,

Mom